Christopher R McGuire

Christopher R McGuire

SVP, Head of Applications,
Engineering and Product Management
Expert in UX/UI, Software Design and
Full Stack Solutions. Helping to Bridge the
Gap between Users, Designers and Developers for

Superior

Application Development

What am I working on...

My passion for innovation drives me to create impactful solutions at the intersection of technology and user experience. Here are some projects that showcase this vision. Maybe some of my work can benefit you and your future projects:


  • Icon Forge:

    Design custom icon packages with precision and ease. Create, customize, and export professional SVG icon sets that perfectly match your brand's aesthetic — all through an intuitive interface.

  • Icon Forge - The Blog:

    Explore the intersection of design and development. Learn from industry experts about UI/UX best practices, development tips, and the latest design trends.



  • Investing for the Rest of Us: From Piggy Bank to Portfolio

    Your Beginner-Friendly Guide to Building Wealth

  • Does the world of investing feel like a secret club you weren’t invited to? It’s time to change that. In Investing for the Rest of Us: From Piggy Bank to Portfolio, you’ll discover how to turn your financial fears into confidence—without needing a finance degree or a fortune to start.

    This engaging, step-by-step guide breaks down the complex world of investing into bite-sized lessons anyone can understand. With relatable stories, fun analogies, and actionable advice, you’ll learn:

    - Why keeping money under your mattress is costing you—and how to outsmart inflation.
    -The magic of compound interest and how it grows your wealth exponentially.
    - How to build a balanced portfolio with beginner-friendly tools like index funds.
    - Strategies to avoid common investing mistakes and think like a pro.
    - How to set financial goals and take practical steps to achieve them.
    - Whether you’re saving for a house, planning for retirement, or just looking to make your money work harder, this book is your ultimate roadmap to financial freedom. Packed with quizzes, checklists, and interactive exercises, Investing for the Rest of Us makes learning to invest approachable and—dare we say it—fun!

    No Jargon. No Intimidation. Just Practical, Real-World Advice.




Frontend Development - Not Just Making Pretty Websites: Christopher McGuire

Frontend Development

It’s not just about a “pretty” website

28 Dec 2022

Frontend development is often misunderstood as either web development or the process of making an application look “pretty,” but it is so much more than that. There is also often a perception in businesses that frontend developers are not as strong as developers on the backend of the application stack. However, a strong frontend development team is complex and consists of people with expertise in multiple disciplines. It encompasses the development of any type of frontend experience-web, mobile, desktop and more.

The Mythical Full Stack Developer: Christopher McGuire

The Mythical “Full Stack” Developer

The frontend unicorn created by complacent managers and recruiters

22 Feb 2023

As a manager in the frontend development space, I understand the difficulty in recruiting for key roles. On one hand, candidates may lack any knowledge of graphic design and the tools associated with designing engaging experiences. Then there are those candidates that do have a grasp on layout, fonts, and color theory, but have no understanding of software development. Frontend roles bring an interesting challenge to a business. Though few will possess strong development as well as design skills, having deep knowledge in one area, while a cursory understanding or experience in the other is essential. This is the balancing act that many in the business world get wrong. Managers and recruiters alike believe a frontend engineer or developer needs to be an expert in all things frontend. They have developed the “unicorn”.

The Impact of Job Titles in Software Engineering: Christopher McGuire

The Impact of Job Titles in Software Engineering: Pitfalls and Solutions

How the focus to normalize titles benefits employees and firms

12 Apr 2023

Job titles have a long and important history in engineering, but this has become ever more crucial in modern software engineering. With the range of engineering titles available, people can be easily identified for their skills and experience when it comes to recruiting for a software engineering position. In recent times, layoffs due to economic, external, or pandemic factors have regrettably become far too commonplace, leaving engineers needing to find new positions again. By having clearly defined, industry aligned job titles, whether traditional like frontend software engineer or project manager, or something more custom tailored, those searching for work will be better able to market their experience and position themselves in the engineering workforce.

The Impact of Job Titles in Software Engineering: Christopher McGuire

20+ Years  /  Engineering  /  Graphic Design

Summary


SVP of Software Engineering,
UX, and UI
Full Stack Experience

Accomplished SVP of Software Engineering & UX/UI Design, recognized for pioneering the front-end transformation at Citadel with the creation of the first UX/UI Frontend Design and Development team that set a benchmark for user-centric development with a thoughtful full-stack architecture. Adept in building and leading global teams to innovate, architect, and execute multiple real-time and data-intensive applications, fortifying software with scalable, secure infrastructures. Expertise in merging technical acumen and strong architecture with intuitive design to accelerate product cycles by 25%, bolster user engagement, and drive operational excellence aligning team roadmaps to firm defined OKRs.


𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑬𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝑼𝑿/𝑼𝑰 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏, 𝒐𝒓 𝑺𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒑𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔, 𝒍𝒆𝒕'𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕!
✉️ Contact me at Christopher.R.McGuire@gmail.com

Experience


Mesirow
SVP, Head of Applications

2024 - Present

As Senior Vice President, Head of Applications at Mesirow, I spearhead the comprehensive application development strategy for the multiple business lines, ensuring the delivery of secure, high-quality software solutions. Focused on leading and mentoring a talented team of developers, enforcing rigorous coding standards, and maintaining software security the teams collaborates with business stakeholders and vendor partners to align technology roadmaps with business goals, gather feedback, and prioritize project initiatives. Leading the team and business to push the boundaries of technology offerings to elevate the businesses to the next level.

Akuna Capital
Head of UX / UI Design and Development

2021 - 2023

Serving as VP of Engineering, UX/UI Design, and Director of Front-End Development, I started a course of transformation at Akuna Capital. The team initiated the organization of application logs into a single, consolidated dashboard. In the face of team-building, I cultivated an environment of knowledge-sharing, significantly reducing onboarding time and boosting satisfaction. With this strategic and collaborative approach, I accelerated product delivery by 25%, merging speed with quality in a testament to efficient innovation. Firm-wide, I ignited discussions around defining career paths for the technology teams, helping to support the career progression of development and IT individuals.

SpiderRock Platform
Director of Application Engineering

2021 - 2023

During my tenure as SpiderRock's Director of Product Design and Engineering, I kicked off a process to modernize our application designs, nurtured a productive development team, and effectively transitioned our work processes amidst a global pandemic. A firm believer in the power of good design, I also implemented a design system library transforming UI/UX strategies across the firm.

Citadel, LLC
Director of UX and UI Design and Development

2005 - 2019

At Citadel, I held several roles, where I notably built and led a the largest UX/UI team with frontend engineering focus within the firm. I reduced UI development time by 50% by introducing styled control libraries that promoted consistency across applications and intuitive workflows. Additionally, the team increased performance with a scalable microservices architecture. I facilitated cross-departmental communication, fostered vendor relationships, and laid the foundation for effective product marketing and training campaigns.

GE Medical
Lead Tools and CM Engineer

2001 - 2005

At GE Healthcare, I designed various software tools and automated processes, significantly improving the efficiency of design and testing procedures. Apart from testing Radiology Information Systems and PACS software products, I was instrumental in implementing a digital document management system and advancing common design and test processes.

Motorola
Lead Quality Assurance Engineer

1997 - 2001

During my time at Motorola Mobility, I supported all stages of the software lifecycle for Motorola's GSM, GPRS, and UMTS products. I provided robust field support, designed an in-house GPRS IP Network, automated testing efforts, and contributed significantly to the testing of key functionalities within the telecommunication systems. As a team lead in Vancouver, I also coordinated cross-location test efforts and conducted training sessions for the local test team.


Education


1996

Purdue University
B.S. Computer and Electrical Engineering


Skills


Programming Language Skills

  • CSS   

  • HTML   

  • Java   

  • JavaScript   

  • .NET   

  • SQL

CSSHTMLJava
JavaScript.NETSQL
   

Software Skills

  • Adobe CS   

  • Balsamiq   

  • Figma   

  • Git   

  • Grafana   

  • Greenhouse   

  • Tableau   

  • VS Code   

  • Visual Studio   

Adobe CSBalsamiqFigma
GitGrafanaGreenhouse
TableauVS CodeVisual Studio
   

Technical Skills

API DesignData AnalysisData Visualization
Design SystemElectronFrontend Dev
Full Stack DevGraphic DesignMacOS
MS WindowsMobile DevNode.JS
OOPPrototypingReact.JS
Quality AssuranceSDLCSoftware Dev
System ArchitectureUser DesignUser Research
UI DesignUX DesignWeb App Dev
Wireframe DevWinFormsWPF
   
  • API Design   

  • Data Analysis and Visualization   

  • Design System Libraries   

  • Electron   

  • Frontend Application Development   

  • Full Stack Development   

  • Graphic Design   

  • MacOS   

  • Microsoft Windows   

  • Mobile App Development   

  • Node.JS   

  • Object-Oriented Programming   

  • Prototyping   

  • React.JS   

  • Quality Assurance   

  • SDLC   

  • Software Development   

  • System Architecture   

  • User-Centered Design   

  • User Research   

  • UI Design   

  • UX Design   

  • Web Application Development   

  • Wireframe Development

  • WinForms

  • WPF

Leadership and Soft Skills

Active ListeningAgileBusiness Acumen
Business StrategyChange MgmtCommunication
Cross-Fun. LeaderConflict Res.Cross-Team Collab.
FinanceInnovationManagement
MentorshipPeople MgmtProduct Mgmt
Stakeholder MgmtStrategic Plan.Strategic Think.
Team BuildingTeam Leader.Tech. Interviews
Tech. SupportTech. TrainingTraining
  Vendor Mgmt
   
  • Active Listening   

  • Agile Methodologies   

  • Business Acumen   

  • Business Strategy   

  • Change Management   

  • Communication   

  • Cross-Functional Leadership   

  • Conflict Resolution   

  • Cross-Team Collaboration   

  • Finance   

  • Innovation   

  • Management   

  • Mentorship   

  • People Management   

  • Product Management   

  • Stakeholder Management   

  • Strategic Thinking   

  • Strategic Planning   

  • Team Building   

  • Team Leadership   

  • Technical Interviews   

  • Technical Leadership   

  • Technical Support   

  • Technical Training   

  • Training   

  • Vendor Management



Respected Colleagues



Chris Herringshaw

Chief Technology Officer at Janus Henderson Investors

"Chris is a game-changing UI/UX expert and team leader, with a rare combination of modern technical skill on the best platforms, ability to partner with key business stakeholders, and a great instinct for workflow efficiency." - via LinkedIn


Jason Eplawy

Owner at World Headquarters, Inc.

"Chris is one of those rare people who gets every step of making a successful digital product. His ability to pair a solid strategy with top-tier design and development is unmatched and shows in the products he successfully creates. We’ve worked with Chris for several years through many types of engagements and have found his critical thinking and collaborative approach always motivates everyone involved to do their best work." - via LinkedIn



Asset NameType
Personal Brand Logo@2Xpng

Contact Me

Contact

+1 (312) 972-9724

Christopher.R.McGuire@gmail.com

5238 N Wayne Avenue
Chicago, IL
60640

Online Presence

LinkedIn: ChristopherRMcGuire

Twitter: crmcguire74

Medium: crmcguire74

GitHub: crmcguire74

Hard Skills

.NET C#
Agile Methodologies
Applicant Tracking System
CSS
Data Visualization
Database Schema Design
Design System Libraries
Desktop Development
Enterprise Software
Frontend Architecture
Frontend Development
Graphic Design
HTML
JavaScript
Microservices
Mobile Development
MVC
MVVM
Node.JS (Project Management)
Prototyping
Pub Sub
Quality Assurance
React.JS (Project Management)
Requirements Analysis
RESTful APIs
RESTful Communication
SDLC
SQL
User Experience (UX) Design
User Interface (UI) Design
User Interface (UI) Development
Web Application Development
Web Page Design
Web Sockets
WinForms
Wireframing
WPF

Software Skills

Adobe Acrobat
Adobe Creative Suite
Adobe Illustrator
Adobe Photoshop
Atlassian Confluence
Atlassian JIRA
Balsamiq
Figma
MS Office Suite
Sketch App
Visual Studio Code

Coding Languages

C#
CSS
HTML
JavaScript
PHP

Soft Skills

360 Reviews
9-Block
Behavioral Interviews
Communication
Cross Functional Leadership
Cross-Team Collaboration
Empathetic
Employee Compensation
Highly Motivated
Intellectual Curiosity
Leadership
Mentor
Minimal Supervision
Performance Evaluations
Self Starter
Talent Retention
Team Building
Team Leadership
Technical Interviews
Technical Presentations
Technical Recruiting
Technical Training
Technically Savvy
Vendor Management

Christopher R McGuire

Director of UI / UX Design and Development

Summary


Seasoned Engineering Director with over 20 years in finance, focusing on frontend, UX, and UI design and development. Proven track record in creating user-centric products, leading large, multi-region engineering teams, and implementing strategic application architectures. Skilled Product Manager, experienced in the overall management of a product’s life cycle from conception to fruition. Experienced in assessing customer desires and requirements and generating a product or feature set that successfully meets those standards. An analytical thinker who works and leads collaboratively across multiple teams to successfully plan, design, build, and deploy products. Expertise in .NET, desktop and web applications, Android, and iOS platforms.

Key Achievements


Strategic Application Architecture

Bridged the gap between software development and UX, UI, and graphic design skills. Built and scaled design systems, and .NET and web application software libraries.

Performance Optimization and Resource Management

Optimized software performance and resource usage, managing client resource usage for optimal performance. Consolidated system logs and real-time analytics into single, accessible dashboards.

User-Centric Product Design and Execution

Led user-centered product design and execution, focusing on creating innovative, user-friendly products. Conducted user research, defined product strategy and roadmaps, built wireframes, mockups, prototypes, and full applications.

Leadership and Team Management

Managed large engineering teams across multiple locations, fostering a supportive and innovative team culture. Devised career strategies and implemented mentoring programs.

Full Lifecycle Software Development

Experienced in all phases of the software development lifecycle, with hands-on experience in both development and management capacities. Applied Agile methodologies to ensure efficient design and release cycles, and effective team management.

Cross-Functional Collaboration

Established strong cross-functional partnerships, fostering collaborative relationships with business analysts, infrastructure, help desk, legal, compliance, and service development teams to ensure quality deployments.

Strategic Planning

Demonstrated ability to develop and implement strategic plans that align with company goals and objectives.

Change Management

Proven skills in managing change within organizations, ensuring smooth transitions during periods of transformation.

Work Experience


Head of UX and UI Design and Development

Akuna Capital, Chicago, IL

July 2022 - January 2023

  • Performed a business analysis of traders by leading visits to 5+ trading desks and the Chicago Board of and then generated user role definitions, use cases and workflows, and business requirements.

  • Improved team satisfaction and formed career development strategies for team members by identifying 3 key areas of discontent, advising the C-Suite of pay compression, career paths, and expertise focus issues, resulting with the implementation of an onboarding and mentoring program as well as a team re-organization to better support the team during new development activities.

  • Directed performance optimization, consolidating system logs and real-time metrics from 20+ applications into a single Grafana dashboard.

Director of User Experience, User Interface Design and Development

Akuna Capital, Chicago, IL

June 2021 - July 2022

  • Envisioned and executed the application architecture, managing client resource usage for optimal performance.

  • Managed a large engineering team, conducting over 100 software phone screens and interviews, expanding the UX/UI team from 6 to 15 members across 3 locations.

  • Assumed technical leadership for all front-end applications, leveraging Agile methodologies for design and release, as well as the team management role following the departure of the global head of UI.

  • Rolled out solutions for different parts of the stack, leading the development of a business analysis dashboard to monitor user workflows.

Director of Application Engineering

SpiderRock Platform, Chicago, IL

November 2019 - January 2021

  • Managed a team of 5 developers, re-architecting monolithic .NET applications into multi-tiered applications with Node.JS microservices, enhancing scalability and reusability.

  • Developed design system library for use in 10+ firm applications, improving UI and UX.

  • Defined requirements, built wireframes, visual comps, and full prototypes for a web-based dashboard supporting options block trading, and led the development of the application.

Director of UX and UI Design and Development

Citadel Investment Group, Chicago, IL

August 2016 - January 2019

  • Led the largest Equities-aligned UX/UI design and development team, enhancing user satisfaction and productivity.

  • Directed the re-architecture of 20+ WPF into application dashboard modules using React, Node.JS, delivering a user-friendly, scalable dashboard system.

  • Managed data analysis efforts across the frontend product suite, replacing 75% of live data grids within applications with live data visualizations based on data patterns and values.

  • Acted as the de facto Head of Product, facilitating communication with users to gather requirements, and led team efforts in addressing those requirements, prioritizing issues, consulting with vendors and cross functional teams to develop and release a solution to the user base.

  • Participated in vendor identification and contract meetings and pitched new applications to Ken Griffin and the C-suite resulting in business impact.

  • Educated the firm on the value of a user-centered approach and thoughtful frontend architecture, leading the largest equities-focused UX and UI team.

  • Conducted training for new feature and application rollouts, resulting in improved user adoption and satisfaction.

Software Engineering Manager

Citadel Investment Group, Chicago, IL

November 2012 - August 2016

  • Led the user-centered product design and execution of a JavaScript-based mobile platform supporting both iOS and Android for Equities and Commodities businesses.

  • Managed a team to design and develop 5+ iterations of the mobile platform and performed all user-focused usability testing prior to deployment.

  • Spearheaded a user-centered product design approach, conducting over 50 user interviews which led to the design and launch of the first mobile app supporting investor workflow in Equities Research.

  • Played a critical role in reducing development time by creating reusable controls for internal and external facing applications developed with C#, .NET, WPF, and WinForms as well as HTML/CSS.

  • Fostered cross-functional relationships with business analysts, infrastructure and help desk, legal and compliance, and service development teams to ensure quality application deployments.

  • Demonstrated cross-functional leadership by building strong relationships with business analysts, infrastructure and help desk, legal and compliance, and service development teams to ensure quality application deployments.

Senior Software Engineer

Citadel Investment Group, Chicago, IL

October 2005 - November 2012

  • Oversaw and executed the design of the Equities Research Broker Vote and Broker Research platform, serving as the lead UI designer using Java and JSTL, then migrating the code to .NET C# with WPF.

  • Played a crucial role in the rebranding of internal and external facing web and desktop applications, creating a consistent user experience through a Citadel-specific style guide and supporting brand libraries.

  • Developed a real-time data Alpha collection web and mobile application using extJS and Lightstreamer frameworks that became the first data collection app serving live data external to Citadel.

Software Engineering Contractor

Citadel Investment Group, Chicago, IL

January 2005 - October 2005

  • Redesigned an internal research library system, resulting in a centralized, web-based resource catalog improving resource usage by 15%, designing a custom database schema and optimizing SQL queries.

  • Designed and deployed GUI and backend of an internal development portal, including a PHP/XML middle-tier and Sybase database, centralizing all software development.

Previous Experience


Lead Tools and CM Engineer

GE Healthcare, Mount Prospect, IL | January 2001 - January 2005

Senior Quality Assurance Engineer

Motorola, Vancouver, BC Canada | March 1998 - August 1998

Senior Quality Assurance Engineer

Motorola, Arlington Heights, IL | January 1997 - January 2001

Education


B.S. Computer and Electrical Engineering, Purdue University
West Lafayette, IN | 1996


If you'd rather me just tell you my story, hit play.





When Staying Quiet Nearly Broke Me: My Story, Finally Unfiltered
- Christopher



I never realized how loud silence could be until it happened to me. One day, I just stopped posting pictures of the kids on social media, stopped sharing funny stories about my day, stopped announcing birthdays or graduations. In my mind, I was protecting my children—keeping them away from the rawness of our unfolding divorce after having front seats to escalating abuse at home. I thought, “They don’t need to see grown-ups tearing each other apart online.”
What I didn’t expect was how that very silence would be used against me. My ex-husband filled the vacuum online with his narrative, telling old friends, extended family, casual acquaintances, and any others who would listen, all about how “unstable” and “dangerous” I was. How uncaring and hateful I had been. Throwing veiled insinuations that I thrived in the chaos and long process, while he simply wanted it to end. These messages are put out online, all while I was legally gagged from saying a word in my own defense. You can imagine how that tilted the playing field.But here’s the thing about silence: eventually, it wears off. And once you’ve been quiet for so long, the words you’ve held back tend to spill out all at once. So, if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, why I disappeared, and what’s really been going on behind that thin veil of “privacy,” buckle up. Because for the first time, I’m going to tell you exactly what happened.

Realizing My ‘American Dream’ Was More Fragile Than I KnewGrowing up, I spent part of my childhood in a real house, and then, at age ten, we moved to a townhouse as my parents divorced. My mom did her best, but we never had wiggle room financially. When not in school, my brother and I had jobs, starting at age 14. When I graduated, I paid my own way through college, and finally got a stable engineering job. I felt like I’d won the lottery. Having kids? Buying my own home? Those were the big prizes—my version of security. I pictured my children running around the yard, having that perfect view everyone wishes for their kids.For a while, I believed I’d nailed it. I worked hard, first at Motorola, then GE Medical, finally landing at Citadel in 2005 and getting married (as much as we could back then). We had a condo at first, then kids, grew into a house, had built a nice retirement plan. I had a spouse I assumed wanted the same life I did. Sure, there were fights; all couples fight and no one is perfect. I know I often get lost in my work. That is an ongoing struggle. But then one day, the fights started feeling one-sided. They weren’t just arguments; they were rants, accusations, sometimes literal screaming sessions that left me questioning my own memory. Many friends reading this may have witnessed a rage from time to time. Was I crazy? Did I say something to trigger this? The rages sometimes became a silent treatment that could last for days. Other times a rage could start early in the morning and last until nightfall, persisting over several days. I had no escape. I started to pull back into my own head and slowly shutdown, not knowing how to continue as the hurtful insults flew in my direction. I remember a phrase I often said in these confrontations. “I just want to be equal”.I tried a variety of things, never with success. Every action, or every word I uttered with good intent was twisted somehow into something malicious. As spending flew out of control depleting savings, I would often suggest we maybe check our finances more closely—he’d turn it around on me. He’d say I was trying to control him, that I was the selfish one, that I didn't know how to handle the finances. Over time, I started to question everything: my sanity, my self-worth, even my right to speak. In public, my stories became his stories. At times, I would test the waters and correct one of my stories as it was being told in a crowd. Those times never ended well. That’s what abusers do best—make you feel that you’re the one in the wrong, no matter how outlandish their behavior is. I left several friends that to this day I regret, usually in solidarity to a rage he would have. I was validating the behavior.

When ‘Family’ Isn’t Family AnymoreThe hardest part might have been watching the people I called family—my extended family—his parents, cousins, siblings, people I had grown to love over the past 20 years—take his side without question, most cutting ties with me instantaneously. The only way I can communicate how that felt is comparing it to loved ones all taking a vacation together and perishing in a tragic accident, all at once. There were no goodbyes. Facebook ties immediately started to be cut off. It felt as if they just disappeared, or as if I had never really existed in their lives. At first, I assumed they’d at least listen to both of us. They’d known me for years. I was family. They saw how I doted on the kids, how I sacrificed to keep the household running. How I reached out to his mother when things were tough, struggling to find solutions. But as things at home spiraled and there were physical altercations in front of the kids, I first, almost excused the behavior. When a physical incident happened for the third time in front of the kids and friends, I knew it had to be over. I could not set the example that this was ok anymore. But the story was spun. I was a manipulative liar. An abuser. A drug addict. Suddenly, those I turned to previously, who had witnessed the volatile behaviors, quickly fell in line with him. I was the problem. Suddenly, as long tirades were written online, friends, old family, people I had not met-everyone agreed emphatically with statements made, often alluding to myself being the stain on the relationship. I sought an order of protection, and that was placed on me as well, though so restrictive I was not permitted to talk to anyone outside of a lawyer. I isolated more and more, and still to this day isolate. People were sending thoughts to his brave stance and new life. His mother and sister made statements aimed at me like “For shame!” and "ex's suck", pointed at a narrative to which they did not have the complete story. I slowly was no longer invited to things. It slowly changed me, making me feel like I was the problem all along.Once, these were the same relatives who shared inside jokes with me at holiday dinners. Now, they believed the worst rumors—like I was a cold, abusive, uncaring, negligent father that I spent my days scheming to break up the family. You can’t overstate the sting of that betrayal. It was brutal. But it also taught me something: loyalty and love can sometimes be conditional, and people often choose the simpler version of events, the one that fits into a neat narrative of “good guy vs. bad guy,” rather than digging deeper for the truth. People also deny their own truth when it is easy. I am often reserved in certain crowds. I try not to be the center of attention. It is easy to label someone a problem when that person is not constantly holding court.

Silenced by the Court, Drowned by the LiesSo, the court slapped us both with dual protective orders—basically a gag that prevented me from opening up, even to close friends or a therapist, about the details of the divorce. It also meant I couldn’t publicly refute the lies being posted all over social media. But there was a double standard. Messages still leaked online at times. One on one conversations were had with teachers. With our kids. With mutual friends. Some of the stories made it back to me.Conversations were filled with disgusting lies. Hurtful comments. At one point, I reached out to an online community on Reddit. I knew the kids did not visit the site, and I needed help. Advice. My one post was discovered and there were consequences. He always had a pass throughout the process though. Imagine having your reputation dragged through the mud daily, while you’re legally forbidden from correcting the record. Friends I’d known for years vanished. Longtime colleagues stopped returning calls. People who once admired my work ethic suddenly saw me as “that guy” they heard sketchy rumors about. I isolated myself more and I know I pulled away from many.All the while, I was getting hammered financially. Attorneys aren’t free, and every time I tried to stand up for myself in court, the legal fees soared. At first, there was a guardian ad litem. She represented the kids. Over the span of two years, she met the kids twice. That fact did not deter her from quickly beginning the process of draining marital funds. Then there was a mediator. She was a retired judge. It was one of the few times I discussed the abuse, after she asked. The response she gave-“Well, boys will be boys”. It was a comment as dismissive as one received by his mother when seeing the bruises, and excusing the abuse. There was a custody evaluator, who happily accepted thousands of dollars to produce a pre-canned report. He had not contacted witnesses. His report was full of erroneous facts. Again, another person who failed the family, but happily accepted his fees.When the finances were raised, I worked really hard to do much of the analysis. I’d sit there in the courtroom, spreadsheets and charts in hand, with proof of fraud, wasting of marital assets, and suspicious company closures—hoping the judge would see what was happening. But the judge, to put it lightly, “didn’t do finances.” Every red flag was shrugged off, and the opposing counsel, known for her aggressive tactics, walked all over the evidence. It was like watching a slow-motion train wreck, knowing the outcome was unfair but powerless to stop it.

Over Twenty Years of a Difficult Career, Wiped OutI work really hard. I have this idea that I never wanted money to be a concern for my kids. I spent thirteen and a half years at Citadel, hauling myself out of student debt and saving for the future. Citadel helped pay for 2 adoptions. Our first condo. The company is the reason we were able to move into a great house in a great neighborhood. My ex drained the accounts, funneled a lot of money into many areas that did not benefit the marriage, liquidated his IRA, closed two companies, and claimed he was broke just in time for the divorce trial. The judge gave him a pass, while the few watching from the outside could not understand how the court did not see his actions were direct attempts to hold me accountable for leaving the marriage. He was awarded a big share of the retirement I’d built from the ground up. He is receiving a 50 / 50 split of the home equity—the home I solely maintained and paid for over the past four years.Upon starting the separation process, I had hopes to finish quickly, and at the very least leave with my retirement savings, the home to maintain one piece of stability for the kids, and the kids' college funds that I started when they were born…At the end of the process, aside from a mountain of debt, I only saved their college funds. I had orders to pay his credit debt. His tax debt. Help get him a car. Half of his legal fees. Even more of my IRA. And give him money each month in maintenance. With that income, after taxes he now would walk away from the marriage without a job, yet in a better situation than I was placed. Handcuffed to the person I was trying to escape as a result of stories and lies. I was left living paycheck to paycheck. It’s astonishing how quickly you can go from comfortable to borderline broke when the legal system hands over the assets you’ve spent a lifetime earning. I watched it play out, and still do not understand why.I tried getting pro bono legal help—no dice. On paper, my salary was still too “high,” even though debt collectors and monthly bills were chewing through it. So I was stuck, paying a lawyer I could barely afford, arguing for common sense that never seemed to penetrate the courtroom walls. People would say, “But you make a good living!” They couldn’t fathom how legal fees and obligations were bleeding me dry.

The Emotional Whiplash—and the Kids Caught in the MiddleThrough it all, my kids have been my north star—my reason not to throw in the towel. I watch them with friends and think, “This is why I have to keep going.” But the post-separation manipulation got worse. Suddenly, the story was that I was an “uninvolved” parent. I was an abuser to him. The reality? I make it a point to know the kids’ friends. I have always wanted the kids and their friends to know the house was a safe space if they ever needed help. I took the kids to dentist appointments, which was taken away from me to support a narrative I was uninvolved. I could have left the marriage sooner. I didn’t. I was committed and wanted him to get the help that was needed. I did not just hand out money to the kids. I wanted the kids to learn that hard work leads to money. That became a narrative used that I was unsupportive. My true actions never mattered once the smear campaign labeled me as uninvolved and not empathetic.It’s soul-crushing. You start to wonder what your kids will think when they’re older and read the public record of this mess. It is so sad when I think every day that it will be better when the kids are grown. I am missing their childhood completely. I relive experiences from the marriage daily. The screaming at me with no way to escape. I relive the screaming constantly. I read the notes I started to take so I could remember the true past, and not the past that changed over time to fit a narrative. I spiral mentally constantly to a degree I don't think many others can relate to. I have continual anxiety and fear that keeps me awake at night. I have been labeled as not a good co-parent after setting up boundaries. I will not be alone in a space with him. To this day, he scares me.But the kids are also the drive that forced me to step forward, to peel off the duct tape from my mouth. I refuse to let them grow up believing that the bully who lies the loudest automatically wins.

Taking My Voice BackSo why am I speaking now? Because the silence almost destroyed me. Because I know firsthand that abusers thrive when their victims can’t contradict their version of events. And because at some point, it becomes more dangerous not to speak than to stay quiet. I am aware that this post will make it into his hands. That will mean I will be back in court. This time, I have nothing left to take. The house is being prepared for the final sale, my retirement is all but gone. The home equity is directed to his debts. He will be able to start the life, as I have been told, he deserves. With the years of sweat equity I built up.
After everything, I still believe it’s better to tell the truth—even if it’s messy—than to hide behind closed doors. My kids, you, anyone who’s genuinely interested deserves to know what actually happened. The financial fraud, the systematic smearing, the gag orders, the heartbreak of losing friends who only heard one side. All of it.

And If You’re Going Through Something Similar…Listen, I thought I had all the bases covered. I had a solid job, good savings, a retirement plan. I documented everything. I was involved. I am not perfect by any stretch. I told the truth, was meticulous in writing down incidents or taking photos of every instance of abuse, thinking that would be enough. It wasn’t. Because a broken system doesn’t always care about truth; it cares about who can game it more effectively. Certain lawyers will do anything for a win, even if that means bringing harm to kids.I know there are others out there in similar circumstances. If you’re feeling trapped, gagged, or afraid to speak, I see you. You’re not alone. It’s so easy to doubt yourself when everyone around you is suddenly questioning your character. I have been, and continue to be in dark places. I entered this process with some, not a lot, of money. I know there are those with way less and cannot fathom how much lower they can fall in this process. But I promise, you have the right to your story, no matter how many orders tell you to stay quiet, and no matter how many rumors paint you as the villain.


Where I Go From Here…
Am I still drained? Yes. Still furious? Absolutely. Lost? 100%. I lost a house I cherished, a retirement I worked half my life to build, and a circle of people I thought I could trust. I am 50 years old. I no longer see retirement in my future. I am looking at renting a home, something I have not done in over 15 years. But I refuse to let bitterness define me or let fear muzzle me. I’m rebuilding my finances from near-scratch, still hustling every week to pay off legal debts. But in the midst of it, I’m reclaiming my own voice and my power to share the truth, for my kids’ sake and my own sanity.If there’s a silver lining, it’s the realization that I’m stronger than I ever knew. That I can speak out and keep going, despite the court system, the lies, and even my own lingering doubts. And if by telling my story I can help one other person see that they aren’t the problem, that they aren’t alone—then something good can come out of this nightmare.So yeah, I’m done being quiet. This is me, telling the world that silence almost broke me, but it didn’t. I’m still here. I’m still standing. And trust me, that in itself is a victory I’m holding on to with both hands.


A Final, Unfiltered List of the Last Several Years of Life…
Before wrapping this all up, let me leave you with something I wish I’d had sooner: a list of red flags and blatant abusive behaviors. Abuse can sneak up on you; you keep excusing it, second-guessing yourself, or blaming stress or circumstances. But if you see any of these warning signs—whether it’s happening to you or someone you care about—it’s time to recognize it for what it is: abuse. Full stop. I did not fully understand abuse. I still question much.I am embarrassed.
I blame myself.
I think over and over again on what I should have done differently.
I am not the person I used to be.
Below is just a sample of the actions that have changed me.


Abandonment in the Middle of Nowhere
After an hours-long rage on a family camping trip in Michigan, he left me stranded, forcing me to find my own way home.
Financial Sabotage
Despite my repeated pleas to curb spending, bills and credit card charges piled up. A comfortable payout I had after leaving Citadel vanished within months—and suddenly I was the one accused of hiding money.
Gaslighting
He twisted every situation until I questioned my own sanity, wondering if I was actually the abuser.
Apology on Repeat
I learned to say “I’m sorry” for everything—whether I caused it or not—just to avoid triggering another fight.
Walking on Eggshells
I monitored every word and braced for his next explosive reaction. One slip, and I’d face relentless accusations or stone-cold silence.
Threats of Divorce
He dangled the idea of divorce repeatedly, even telling the kids it was happening, then changed his mind or pretended nothing was wrong.
Holiday Destruction
Sudden meltdowns or fights ruined birthdays, celebrations, and vacations, overshadowing any joy we could have had.
Refusing to Let Me Shine
If a spotlight was on me for any reason, he found a way to dominate or belittle my achievements, so I never got to feel proud of my own successes.
Isolation from Friends and Family
He raged to those closest to me, spun stories to make them suspect or untrustworthy, until contact with swarms of friends faded
Explosive Reactions to Small “Mistakes”
Failing to do something exactly his way often provoked a days-long rage that exhausted me mentally and emotionally.
Harassing Calls and Texts
Bombarding me at work or throughout the day with rapid-fire messages, destroying my focus and peace. Post-separation, I’d get hundreds of texts in an hour—each buzz sending my anxiety sky-high.
Demanding My Passwords, While Concealing His
He insisted I hand over every account login and password I had, under the guise of “transparency.” Meanwhile, he guarded his own like state secrets, then accused me of hacking whenever I tried to figure out missing or questionable transactions.
Deliberate Harm Through Finances
He closed businesses, destroyed marital assets, and then spun a tale that I was to blame for the financial fallout.
Weaponizing the Legal System
After tormenting me for hours, he’d grab his phone and film me, chase me around the house, then call the cops—claiming I attacked him.
Widespread Smear Campaign
He tore my name apart to friends, family, even the kids’ teachers—painting me as cold, unstable, and, ironically, the “abuser.”
Blurring Reality
He told stories I started to believe or at least wonder about. (No, Neil Patrick Harris never asked me on a date!)
Seizing Everything We Built
He wasted our finances, took the remaining assets, and pushed me—and the kids—out of our last sense of stability, all while insisting I was the one who caused it. While stating that I was the entitled person.
Cruel Threats
“You’re pathetic,” “I’m going to ruin you,” “My family will reduce you to a Christmas card”—these became mantras that still echo in my mind.
Physical Violence
I was shoved into walls, pinned to the ground, kicked—each attack ramped up my fear more than the last.
Hopelessness
After all the lies and manipulation, I started to believe there was no way out—that he’d taken everything from me and no one would believe otherwise.
If any of these ring a bell—if you find yourself constantly questioning your worth, apologizing just to keep the peace, isolating from friends, or feeling trapped by mental, emotional, or physical attacks—please recognize it as abuse. Gaslighters and abusers work hard to blur reality, to make you think this is normal or “not that bad.” It is bad. And you deserve better.As for me, I still wrestle with questions: Was I really the heartless spouse? Could I have done more? Those doubts come from years of gaslighting. The actions of the court have reinforced my doubts. Deep down, I think I know the truth—I experienced abuse, and no amount of self-blame changes that.Regardless, something needs to change. The family court system failed my kids. It failed me. I've learned it has failed countless others. The legal professionals that assisted should be ashamed and are as much to blame.Something has to change.